more hamster wheel, said no one, ever

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like their life has turned into an endless to-do list? If your list looks anything like mine, it’s full of too many things that you “have” to do and nowhere near enough of the things that you “want” to do, am I right? Welcome to the world of the overworked, overextended, and overwhelmed.

But here is the scary part. I have been living like this for so long that I am not sure how not to. Honestly, I almost wear my stress like it’s a badge of honor. And that is not a good thing.

Let’s be honest here, they don’t sell coffee mugs that say, “I survive off caffeine, chaos and cuss words” for no reason. The hamster wheel is a real thing, and I have been sprinting on it for years. What exactly is it that I am trying to achieve? Where am I trying to go? And when I get there will I be done? Feel accomplished? Achieve peace? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I am nowhere near “there” and the list is nowhere near “done”

So, when does this magical time appear when we get to relax, take a breath and enjoy our lives?

I think the answer is, it doesn’t. Unless we take back this time for ourselves, one moment at a time. We have to make the actual choice to prioritize our own lives, even in the middle of all the chaos. We have to stop waiting for the “right time” to slow down and start doing it right now, in the middle of all the mess. Or else we might actually run ourselves right off of that hamster wheel and right into the ground. I know that I am getting dangerously close to doing just that.

And this is all so much easier said than done.

You see, I am probably the biggest hypocrite when it comes to prioritizing myself. As I have said in my prior posts, I am not a licensed therapist, but it doesn’t take a professional to diagnose why I am a habitual marathoner on the hamster wheel - I am in a constant state of trying to “prove” my worth.

Trying to be “enough”

Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that being busy was the same as being valuable. That if I just did enough, I’d finally feel like I was enough. Enough of what exactly? And enough for who? I’m not even sure.

Sometimes I find myself saying “yes” to things that I don’t want to do because I feel obligated, guilty or just don’t want to deal with the fallout of saying “no”. So, I keep adding things to my list. I keep running on that wheel. I keep trying to do more. And I keep trying to do it in less time.

Because the truth is, I am the one keeping score. No one else is keeping a checklist of my worth based on how many places I can be at once, how many things I can check off the list in a day, or how many miles I have clocked on that wheel. I just keep running.

Old habits die hard.

so what can we do to stop the sprint?

How do we actually stop sprinting toward a finish line that doesn’t exist? I wish I had a magic answer, but I don’t. I can however offer some ideas on what we can try. Here is my list…

1. stop “rewarding” myself with rest

Rest isn’t a reward you have to earn. Wow, did I really just say that? And now that I put it out there, I have no choice but to try to embrace it. Rest is not just sleep by the way. It’s not just collapsing at the end of the day because you have nothing left to give.

Rest is taking the time to do the things that fulfill you. And it is essential - just like water and sleep (and coffee!). This is one of those epiphanies that many people seem to have too late in life. So let’s be the ones who get it now - before the hamster wheel takes us out!

2. appreciate the “unimportant” and “unproductive”

Not everything has to be on the to-do list. In fact, taking the time to appreciate the moments that don’t result in crossing something off the “list” is just as important. They matter. Sending a text to a friend just to say “hi”, allowing yourself a few minutes to listen to a song you love without doing 5 other things at the same time, watching your dog do that weird thing where their eyes are wide open but they are snoring and clearly sleeping (or is that just a French Bulldog thing?). None of those things are “productive,” but that doesn’t mean that they have no value.

3. Do things just because i want to

Not to accomplish something. Not to achieve something. Not to check a box. Just because I want to do it. Just because it makes me happy. Read the book, take the drive, buy the thing, take the trip. Just because.

Ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I want to do it or because I think I have to do it?”.

4. stop the internal speak that says busy = important

Being busy all the time does not make me more important, more worthy, more valuable. It just makes me more busy. Let’s stop glorifying being busy. It does not mean being happy. It does not mean being successful. It does not mean being fulfilled. Often it just means being exhausted.

Let’s stop measuring our worth by how much we can get done in a day. Let’s stop pretending that exhaustion is a sign of success and call it what it is, a sign of burnout.

5. Allow myself to “wander”

If you have been reading or watching or listening to any of my posts this year, you may know that this one is a big one for me. And I have really been trying to lean into it, even when I feel like I can’t cram one more thing into my day.

Here is the great thing about wandering. You can do it wherever you are! You don’t need to take an extravagant vacation (but I fully support that too!). You just need to start seeing your own world differently. Take advantage of the people, places and things wherever you find yourself.

Wandering where you are isn’t about adding more to your already insane to-do list - it’s about shifting your perspective. It’s about giving yourself permission to live beyond your obligations and take a moment to enjoy what is around you.

6. just say “no”

I guess Nancy Reagan was on to something with this one (a little pop culture reference for my fellow 80’s children).

If you’re like me, you’ve spent years saying yes to EVERYTHING. Yes, I’ll help. Yes, I’ll stay late. Yes, I’ll make the cookies for the bake sale. The list goes on and on and on.

When we try to say yes to everything, we inevitably have to say no to something—and let’s be honest, it’s usually the thing you actually want to do. And that’s just sad.

Maybe it’s time to start protecting our time.

final thoughts

I wish I could tell you that I have it all figured out, but that would be a bold-faced lie. Case in point: I am writing this at 11 p.m. after spending my evening cooking dinner, scrubbing the entire infield off my daughter’s white softball pants, helping my son bake a pie for calculus class (yep, Pi Day), answering work emails, and cleaning the kitchen. Basically, I spent the last three hours on a full-speed hamster wheel bender.

But at least I see it now. I know this pace isn’t sustainable. And I am making an effort, trying to slow down, trying to appreciate what’s right in front of me, and trying to remind myself that I don’t have to earn my right to just “be”.

So if you are also stuck on that never-ending wheel, constantly managing life instead of actually living it - consider this your wake-up call. JUST.STEP.OFF. I promise you, it will keep spinning without you.