damn you, facebook memories

This morning I opened up Facebook to wish my mom a happy birthday. Sounds like a relatively docile task, right? Wrong. Apparently, Facebook’s algorithm had other plans for me.

Facebook was not satisfied with simply reminding me of today’s list of birthdays, it was on a mission - kind of like that well-meaning but clueless friend from the past who ambushes you at Starbucks, eagerly asking about the ex and kids (clearly over-caffeinated and apparently living under a rock for the last few years). At least the friend has the decency to back away in awkward silence after realizing her mistake. Facebook? No, it feels no shame.

facebook memories, the gift that keeps punching you in the gut

Even though we all know it’s coming, there’s just something about Facebook’s “On This Day” feature that hits differently. Some might say, “Why not delete the photos that you don’t want to see so they don’t pop up?” But to me, erasing my memories feels wrong - even when they sting. And that, right there, is the bittersweet beauty of it. No matter how much they hurt, these memories are mine to keep.

Today, my notifications were practically foaming at the mouth with the anticipation of doling out reminders of memories past. I probably could have done without the smiling photos of me and my ex-husband on that pre-pandemic day date, yet at the same time, my heart melted at the impromptu family picture after a kids’ basketball game. And if I am being honest, I would never want to give up either of these memories - even knowing what the future would hold. I might argue, especially knowing what the future would hold. Welcome to the double-edged sword of “On This Day”, just like life, it doesn’t discriminate when and how these memories come up.

the smiles that hid the tears

And that brings me to the truth bomb lurking behind some of these photos, not all of the smiles in the pictures were real. In fact, some of those moments were held together by sheer will, and maybe even a little denial.

And maybe that is ok. Seeing these moments, even the forced ones, reminds me that I had hope, even when things weren’t perfect. And that is also worth remembering. I can look back on that woman with kindness, knowing what she didn’t know then, and still appreciating her will to keep showing up. Looking back, I can recognize the weight behind some of those smiles, the quiet struggles, the things I did not want anyone else to see. But these memories are also a testament to commitment, dedication and love, and that is something to be proud of.

time marches on

If you happened to listen to Level Up With Dani (I will include a link to the show again at the end of the post), she references time as “an evil thief”. Man is that an understatement. The reminder of time marching on is an ever-present theme when it comes to Facebook memories.

The little kids in the pictures from my son’s preschool graduation are now fielding their college acceptance letters. The friends who were once by my side for all my major life events are scattered through different time zones. And then there are the people who I could have never imagined living my life without, who are now conspicuously absent.

However, the most poignant of reminders are those of the faces who don’t show up in new memories anymore. The ones who are frozen in time. Those hit the hardest. They are the memories that remind us that time stops for no one, even not for those we love most.

damn you facebook, but also, thank you

So even in spite of the sucker-punches, I have to admit, I am grateful for the blows that Facebook Memories deliver. Because even the hardest memories remind us that we lived. The smiles, the laughter, the love, and even the heartbreak all shape us and our journey.

So at the risk of beginning to sound like a 90’s country music ballad, I leave you with these thoughts…

Damn you Facebook Memories for making me cry even before finishing my first cup of coffee. Damn you Facebook Memories for reminding me of the people I miss, the chapters of my life that have closed, and the dreams that didn’t go the way I planned.

And thank you Facebook Memories for all of the same things.