midlife crisis or midlife reboot?
Oh yes, the infamous midlife crisis. Many a Hollywood script has been based on this very topic for good reason, who doesn’t love a story about self-discovery, second chances and the excitement of a new life? ME, that’s who doesn’t love it! And yet, here I am - “reinventing myself”. While this wasn’t exactly how I saw myself entering my 50’s, I was faced with a decision to either embrace the change thrust upon me or try to hold on to an identity that no longer fit in my current life trajectory. I didn’t choose to take this path initially, in fact I went kicking and screaming, but ultimately I realized that I had to keep walking to get to the other side.
IDentity Crisis
Like many other major life shifts, a divorce can really do a number on your sense of identity. For me, a central part of how I defined myself was as a wife, partner and co-builder of a shared life (too bad my ex was looking at a different set of building plans). When that all came crashing down one October night, it left a void that felt insurmountable. Not only was I completely devastated and disoriented, I no longer knew what my purpose was or how I was supposed to move forward. I felt robbed of the future that “we” had invested so much history building (I guess you can call that sunk costs). But once I could get out of my robe and up from the fetal position that I too often found myself in on the floor, I knew that I had redefine myself on my own terms.
So here I am, in my full midlife crisis glory. That said, I am choosing to call this a midlife reboot. Kind of like when my IT guy at work tells me to “turn it all off, let it sit for a minute and then turn it all back on”. A hard reset of sorts. I think that we all find ourselves in need of a hard reset at some point in life. The beauty of a midlife reboot is that it often happens at a time when we might be in a better position to ask “what do I want” and actually be able to do something about it. Maybe your kids are launched and you have the time to pursue that hobby or passion project you have been putting off. Maybe you can finally take that dream trip you have always talked about. Or maybe you can just finally finish that book that you started reading at the beginning of COVID because “I have nothing else to do since I am stuck at home” (little did you know that you would become a homeschool teacher, Zoom expert and sourdough bread making expert all before the end of Spring). It doesn’t have to be anything big, it just has to make you feel like “you”!
so What path should you take?
Insert obligatory disclaimer here - I am NOT a life coach. However, having a little life experience under my belt, I feel comfortable sharing the steps that I took that led me to creating this blog.
What do you enjoy? Maybe you want to revisit an old interest or try something completely new. Are there people on social media or other outlets that inspire you? Do you enjoy reading about certain subjects or watch certain kinds of shows? Start there.
What are your goals? Are you looking for a complete overhaul (Trust me on this one, I don’t recommend completely blowing up your life for sport unless the fuse has already been lit!)? Maybe just a few tweaks to keep things exciting? Are you hoping to make new friends? Challenge yourself with a new skill or hobby? There are no wrong answers.
Be realistic with your expectations. Remember those old motivational posters your boss had in their office in the 90’s? Life is a journey, not a destination. Take your time, know that you will make mistakes, Some things will work, others will not. The key is to embrace activities that align with your current lifestyle and interests while still pushing you a little outside of your comfort zone.
You can do hard things. I can’t tell you how many times I have had to repeat this to myself over the last 2 years. That said, I promise you, keep telling yourself this - over and over. It really does work.
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So I leave you with this thought - perhaps the midlife crisis has gotten a bad wrap. It is not about losing yourself, it is about rediscovering who you really were all along.
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