how i plan to stand up to the mean girl of the CALENDAR (or as you may know her, january
Ah yes, January. That wonderful month that barges in uninvited right after the holidays, acting like she owns the place. If you are anything like me, you are probably still wandering around in your post-Christmas daze trying to figure out what day it is and wondering if eating leftover pie counts as cleaning out the fridge. All the while, January is leaning on the counter, staring you down and pressuring you to make “good choices”.
The way I see it, January is kind of like that know-it-all, perfectly put-together mom from pre-school who used to deliver passive-aggressive critiques about your parenting under the guise of “helping”. Yes, you remember the one. Just like her, January revels in the opportunity to point out all your flaws, because she “cares”. Oh and don’t try to hide, January sees everything.
Think I’m being tough on January? You tell me…
January loves to play the shame game
Remember all those cookies you needed to taste-test while baking, or that extra glass (or three) of wine that you felt obliged to drink so you weren’t a party pooper, or the extra slice of pecan pie that you had to take because Aunt Linda made it? Yeah, January remembers too. And just like the mean mom at your kid’s preschool, she loves to remind you of your holiday indulgences. She has no problem pointing out the clothes that fit a little too snugly or that breakout on your chin from the month-long carb-loading session also known as December.
Just spend 20 minutes watching Instagram reels after January 1st and you will feel like you have endured an FBI interrogation. “What are the key questions you need to ask yourself this January? What are your biggest personal challenges, and how do you make sure that you don’t let another year go by without addressing them? How do you plan to make time for yourself, your loved ones, your career, your fitness goals, your relationship?” Damn January, slow down. I’m still working on figuring out why I walked into this room.
January sets you up for an inevitable fall
January is all about “This is YOUR year” and “New Year, New You!” But last time I checked, I was still the same person I was on December 31st, just more bloated, broke, and beat down from a month of overscheduling and underdelegating.
Let’s face it—the pressure of living up to January’s expectations is not only demoralizing, it’s impossible. Lose weight, get organized, create a vision board, start a 30, 45, or 60 day challenge, go on a detox (which I think is some kind of code for giving up carbs and cheese), be a better version of yourself—or better yet—be the best version of yourself. And oh yeah, while you are at it, why not just go for a full reinvention—preferably by February.
As a middle-aged woman, I feel like we are especially susceptible to January’s bullying. It’s like she is trying to remind us that the clock is ticking and that we only have so many more years to do more, be more, achieve more. It’s like January is like the ghost of resolutions past, dredging up the abandoned commitments and failed ventures. Thanks for that January, truly appreciated.
And as if the emotional bullying is not enough, January likes to stick it to you financially and physically too. The only thing longer than the nights is your credit card bill. Even if you did not spend like a teenage girl with an unlimited line of credit at Sephora, she still likes to hand you unexpected expenses in the form of higher utility bills or some weather induced home repair crisis. Speaking of weather, most days are so cold and dreary that it makes you question every life choice that led you to actually considering to venture outside. Yeah, January is a real charmer.
how I am going to tell the mean girl to back off
Like most bullies, January thrives on intimidation and judgment. She is the calendar’s living embodiment of “comparison is the thief of joy”. But remember, the best way to combat a bully is not to buy into their game. Just by refusing to play along, you take away some of January’s power.
So what am I going to do differently this January?
Set Boundaries
I’m not going to let January (or Instagram or myself) pressure me into doing everything at once. I don’t need to train for a marathon, have a perfectly esthetic pantry, lose 30 pounds, or learn a new language - all by March. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of these goals, but I am not going to let an outside influence convince me that I am a failure if I don’t buy into the cultural narrative of the “New Year Transformation”
Just Say “No” to Toxic Resolutions
If a goal is a punishment dressed in sheep’s clothing, there is no way that I will ever be able to stick with it long enough to achieve it. This year my ultimate goal is to lower the bar. Lowering the bar does not mean taking the easy way out. It means I am prioritizing my sanity over my image.
Resolutions should be about you. Setting goals that excite or motivate or inspire you. I am picking 4 small goals that I can track every day and that I feel will positively impact my life and ultimately make me a better person (not just for me but for those around me). They are -
1. Walk every day - walking is my happy place. I know that I am a better version of myself when I get those steps in! And notice, I did not say “walk at least 10K steps a day.” My goal is reasonable and attainable, just get out there and move!
2. Drink water - water consumption, or lack there of, is my Achilles heal. Currently, the bulk of my hydration comes from coffee and an occasional sparkling water. Not a recipe for optimal health!
3. Pay at least one compliment to someone every day - I started trying to be more aware of doing this last year. This year I want to make it a habit. It not only makes me feel good, but it can be a game changer in someone else’s day.
4. Keep a food diary - this is something that I was really good about in the past, but fell off the wagon during the turmoil of the last couple of years. This is not so much of a diet tool as it is an awareness tool. If I hold myself accountable for what I put into my body, I ultimately make better choices. I also feel better about myself, which is important if I want to be better for others.
Focus on Progress, not Perfection
I am going to try hard to resist the “all or nothing” mindset. Will I stay in my PJ’s and binge watch real crime shows on Netflix instead of walking some days? Hell yes. Will there be days that I realize it’s 3 p.m. and the only liquid that I have consumed is 3 cups of coffee? Um, likely. And all of that is ok. As long as there are more days that I hit my goals than not, I am winning.
january, you have met your match
So this year, I am reclaiming January on my terms and so should you. As a middle-aged woman, I am no stranger to the concept of reinvention. But I have also learned that the business of reinvention can be a messy and exhausting one. No amount of pressure or bullying is going to move it along any quicker and holding yourself to unrealistic expectations is a fast track to burnout.
We need to stop looking at the New Year as a magical reset button and look at it for what it is, an opportunity to refocus on what matters the most to us. So this January let’s ditch the extreme pressure to be perfect and embrace the fact that life is rarely as tidy as a resolutions list. No new gym membership, meal plan, juice cleanse or perfectly instagramable closet is going to change that.
Bam…take that, January!
